Hans – Saimi Aina

33. Saimi Aina (23 April 2025 – ∞)

On Wednesday, Elli and I spent the whole day by Saimi’s side. I think Elli went to the parents’ area to eat, but I no longer dared to step out of the room at all. Throughout the day, Saimi’s heart rate and oxygen saturation fluctuated, and at those moments she would start gasping for breath and moving restlessly. It looked as if she could leave us at any moment. Although she was barely conscious, it was clear that she still loved having us near, feeling our touch and hearing our voices. As on the previous days, I sang, read sound books and talked to her constantly. If she seemed to be in pain or restless, it still calmed her quickly when I gently pressed my cheek against hers and whispered softly to her.

32. Fading (Friday 18 April – Tuesday 22 April 2025)

Saimi seemed to calm down most easily when I was comforting her, so I tried to stay close to her all the time. If I stopped stroking her, she would turn her head towards me and give me an endearing look, just as she used to at home in the evenings. I found it hard to sleep in the hospital room, and especially to stay asleep for more than a short doze, so I was worn out. At the same time, I didn’t want to leave Saimi’s side. Still, it was clear that I needed sleep, and that I would be more help to Saimi too if I were less tired. I felt that going home would take up too much time, and above all, that getting back to the hospital from there in an emergency would take far too long. To make it easier to rest, on the evening of Good Friday I booked us a room at the Scandic hotel five hundred metres away. Elli and Aimi had already gone home, but I planned to go over to the hotel myself later.

31. The Collapse (Sunday 13 April – Friday 18 April 2025)

It was that very night between Friday and Saturday, when the fracture got worse, that Saimi’s condition turned from slowly improving to rapidly declining. Or more accurately, it collapsed. The symptoms of her respiratory infection worsened, and her kidney function deteriorated. Among other things, she needed more supplemental oxygen, her urine output dropped and she gained over a kilogram in a day. Saimi’s body had always been in a delicate balance, and the severe injury to her arm seems to have upset it badly. The fracture in itself was not the main or the only reason for her condition. It came down to her underlying illnesses and a chain of unfortunate events, several of them happening at once. Still, the worsening of her arm injury that night seemed to be at the very least a significant factor in her body giving up. I said, I think to Laura, the gastroenterologist, that I hadn’t realised a fracture could be such a serious thing for Saimi. She said no one had known, and that it had come as something of a surprise to everyone.

30. The Cast (Monday 7 April – Saturday 12 April 2025)

After Saimi was admitted to Star, we were once again bewildered by how the ward worked. The staff seemed to be somewhat younger than on Mountain, and perhaps less experienced as a result. Yet Mountain also had nurses who were at the start of their careers, but still skilled and competent. There were certainly several good ones on Star as well, but some appeared to have little interest in their work, and many weren’t particularly proactive. For example, when I asked the nurse in charge of Saimi about something to do with her care or the day’s plans, I would repeatedly get a blank look and the reply “I don’t know.” I then usually had to ask separately whether they could look into it. On Mountain I had got used to the nurses generally knowing what was going on, and especially the details of her treatment, and if they didn’t know something, they would find out without being asked.

29. The Fracture (24 March – 7 April 2025)

At the end of March, Saimi was booked in for a four-night stay at the Isoniitty group home, from Monday to Friday. I, for my part, went to Barcelona for a short holiday to get some rest. Once again I took long walks on the hill at Parc del Guinardó and cycled around the Collserola mountains. Jana did the daycare runs as usual, and on Tuesday we managed to have a quick video call while they were waiting for a taxi. Unfortunately, Saimi fell ill that evening and couldn’t go to daycare for the rest of the week. We still video called after that, whenever Elli and Aimi visited her. It felt bad that Saimi had to spend her days at the group home. I missed her a lot too, and as soon as I was back in Finland, I went to Isoniitty to see her, as she was staying there for one more night.